to dream, to sleep...

Alright, fandom, we need to talk.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 05:24:54 GMT

Quite frankly, I'm quite disenchanted with you. Yes, you. All of you, actually, but namely Bleach. I think it's because we've been in such close proximity to each other for so long that it was only a matter of time before I began to notice your flaws, your chinks, the skeletons lurking in your closets. All of these are becoming more clear to me, especially as your social circle widens, and I miss the good old days where it was just you and me, baby.

I began writing fanfiction before I even knew what fanfiction was. I fell head over heels for Sailor Moon and my first fanfiction was a thick swatch handwritten pages in a spiral notebook. Sometime during middle school, I found fanfiction.net and was in heaven. This was the early 2000s, I think, if I'm counting backwards correctly, and anime wasn't popular at all, or at least didn't seem to be. I was still reeling from my parent's hasty divorce and the sudden arrival of a squalling pink bundle that I was supposed to call "brother," but it lived with my father and some woman I didn't know at all.

And so I would escape to the basement and sit in front of my old desktop Dell, voraciously devouring story after story. It wasn't happiness, but rather...another world that was mine, all mine. Of course, my mother didn't necessarily approve of our newfound relationship, and didn't quite understand it, but endured my obsession all the same. In eighth-grade, even though I gained "normal" friends who didn't have any clue what anime even was, I decorated my locker with printouts of Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z. I got over this quickly, but I can't quite recall my reasoning.

I wrote a lot back then. My stories were full of Mary Sues, little to no plot development, and horrid, fangirl japanese. I had "conversations" with Heero or Vegeta at the beginning of my author's notes, and quite frequently interupted my paragraphs with "OMG Heero, shirtless!?! YUMMY!!1!ONE!" But still, I loved you, fandom. I wrote for myself, and was proud of what I wrote.

Needless to say, my writing has improved. While I doubt I will be able to master a level of emotional writing near Jazzy's, or have such wonderful comedic timing as Danielle, I have written a few fics that I worked my ass off on, wrote and rewrote, edited and revised, until I was damn sure that I couldn't make it any better. By this time, I had gotten my laptop, and would literally rewrite sentences over and over again until it read exactly as it looked in my head.

And I've lost that, somewhere along the way. I can't even say: it's not you, fandom, it's me, because it's both of us. I discovered your various livejournal communities and I liked them immediately. In fact, because of them, I see that some of your friends have become my own friends, and we discuss things that aren't even about you! But you also have friends [aw hell, let's just call them by their real name: fanbrats] who are batshit crazy. And they make my life hell. Namely, the Bleach fanbrats. They make up the majority of my flist, so let's take a moment to consider how their relationship with you affects my relationship with you, okay?

I realized this evening why I don't comment on fics anymore, unless they are by someone I know, or they blow. my. mind. Not even a "good job!" or "keep it up!" Why, you may ask? Because, Bleach, since you became mainstream, everybody and their sister has been writing fics about you, and 90% of them are crap. Now, now, don't get upset, let me finish. I understand--I used to be like that. My characters used to look like that, talk like that, and give a general "FUCK YOU" to canon. But the difference between me and them is that when people finally got sick of my preteen twu wub shite, they let me know what I was doing wrong. And the most important part? I listened. And almost all of these new writers don't. Instead, these fanbrats snap back with sharp teeth and illogical wit, urging the people who care about the sanctity of the fandom to die in all sorts of interesting ways.

I am indebted to the people who took time out of their day to take specific examples from canon and show me where I was wrong. The girls [and a few men, I guess?] who pointed out grammar mistakes, and who let me know when my formatting was not complying with the rules. I had a fic turned away from an archive because I had spelled a character's name wrong. It forced me to look at what I was writing, to revise it, to make sure it worked. But time and time again, I have tried to give concrit in a polite way: I'm always sure to have just as many positive points as negative points, and I never try to correct stylistic choices--only grammar and characterization mistakes.

I did that this afternoon, actually. There had been a fic struggling on ichi_ruki; the girl couldn't seem to get the formatting right. After trying to give her a few pointers on how to create a lj-cut and reminding her that once she switches to html she would have to go and manually replace her italics, I gave a review, complimenting her simple and easy to understand style, but reminding her that a Pre-SS arc Ichigo would never tell Rukia to "Get her cute ass out here!" I ended my comment with an urge for her to keep it up, and that I was looking forward to seeing more of her. Next thing I know, I'm getting a comment reply from the memories moderator. She wrote that I had done NOTHING WRONG [her caps, not mine], but that the author had apparently flamed me back so badly that she was forced to screen the comments. The moderator said that she would in no way tolerate such hateful remarks when I had done nothing wrong, but added that it is the author's choice whether or not to recieve concrit--as long as she appropriately labels it.

I was stunned. And a bit hurt, too, I would dare to say. As I was taking my shower, I got to thinking: Is a relationship like this condusive for me? Can we continue on this way, fandom? Why should I be afraid to speak my mind, or that you will turn around and bite me at any given point? Or is it simply your friends I have problems with, and not you?

And then I realized: While trying to expand into the fandom community, to make some friends with whom I could connect with so that I could understand you better, I lost sight of the personal relationship that you and I have. I spend so much time going through my flist, skimming over ichi_ruki and twilight_fanfic posts I know are full of OOCness, over fanficrants posts full of soundless noise, over icon posts ~~but not bff_icons or any of it's affiliates~~ that are corny and generic, to what end? I am going through the motions of this relationship without consummating it anymore.

So, whaddya say, then, eh? Why don't we go back to the way it used to be: just you, me, ~~some whipped cream and fuzzy handcuffs~~ and Microsoft Word. I think we just need some space from most of your friends for a while...let their noise fade to a dull roar in the background. And I'll appreciate you with my own voice and my own words, instead of trying to love you through others. How does that sound?

----
Ending Note: Uh, sorry for the lameness of addressing fandom directly as if it were a sentient being, but thats how it came out the most coherently. Also, I am NOT leaving fandom in the slightest. I just need to use my time more wisely and get back to writing, which is what I love, even if I'm not the next Inell, Rozarka, ~~Cassandra Claire~~ or one of the other BNFs of lore. I am still available on gtalk at odd hours of the day and I will be writing for Harry Potter and Dragon Ball Z next [I do it old skool, homes]. The main point of this whole diatribe is that I'd lost sight of what made me happy by trying to fit in with the whole lj-community. I'll be hacking a few ~~fanbrat ghettos~~ communities off my list sometime tomorrow.

My new fanfictions will be posted to ohcapri. I swear I'm moving there eventually. I need to join/watch some communities on there. I have like...Jazzy and Danielle on that flist right now. This flist is so much more built up. BUT THEN I GET SHIT LIKE THIS.

Talk to you people's later, when I am much more rested!

Meme!

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 23:02:15 GMT

Possibly the last one on this account...? I actually need to go work on ohcapri a bit after this so it's, ya know, usable. Instead of sitting like a dead fish in the water.

I got tagged by sodanielle!!

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1) Kick some major international-politics ass.
2) Adopt a few kids. ~~husband = optional. Hot stud shacking with me = still taking applications.~~
3) Retire to Florence.

Three Names You Go By:
1) PH [my initials]
2) Porteeeezy!
3) ...Muffin? A few boys call me this and ... you don't want to know the story.

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1) *insert penname I have abandoned and never want to be associated with*
2) Wyvern_159
3) Ancha_289

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1) eyes
2) apparently i have a nice set of boobs? I kind of don't like them but boys like to have conversations with them so, I guess so.
3) mouth/lips/teeth, etc.

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1) norman french
2) scottish
3) english

Three Things That Scare You:
1) spiders
3) being pregnant/giving birth [tocophobia...i looked it up DDD:]
2) my RA

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1) the ole laptop
2) debit card
3) diet coke

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1) jeans
2) grey wife beater
3) hoodie

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1) spice girls
2) john mayer
3) john legend

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1) Daughters - John Mayer
2) Animals - Nickelback
3) Battle - Colbie Caillat

lol i'm so anti-classic rock.

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1) respect, humility/modesty
2) humor, especially in the bad times
3) pr0n-worthy sex lololol

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1) shoulders...preferably muscular and wide
2) stomach...not necessarily ripped or anything, but flabby is kind of ... gross.
3) eyes in relationship to the hair. like light hair with dark eyes, or dark hair with lighter eyes.

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1) writing
2) homework. seriously. i feel like i'm getting something done when i am doing it.
3) running errands

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1) stop smoking, for real.*
2) write my emo thoughts down
3) get smoke smell off of me

Three Careers You're Considering / You've Considered:
1) Vet
2) entreprenuer [haha i prob. didn't even spell it right.]
3) international relations. <--major, bitches!

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1) Italy. again and again and again. i love it.
2) Japan. not like, tokyo or a big city, but somewhere in the mountains or something.
3) England.

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1) toby.
2) isabella/isabelle
3) reid

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Girl:
1) i like to dress up in cute dresses and go out
2) i'm obsessed with shoes.
3) i like boys. a lot. and they like me, and that makes me feel so femininely happy and powerful.

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Boy:
1) i slouch when i'm hanging out.
2) i get girl!crushes all the time.
3) i love watching the x-games.

~~Three People You Tag:~~

Do it if you want!

*I quit smoking before winter break so my mom wouldn't tear me a new one. but i've been really stressed the past few days and just smoked my first cigarette in weeks and GODDAMMIT i want another one sooo badly. but now i feel like shit and smell like a smoker and ;alkdjf;alkjdf i feel like such a quitter for not being able to suck it up and not be tempted.

ALERT! cue flashing lights

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:24:54 GMT

After much thought, I've decided to leave this livejournal for another. So, join me over at ohcapri! It's still in the building process right now; I'm posting all of my current works there, so you will probably see some of the same fics you've already read, but I will be completely moved there soon. Just bear with me, y'all!

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 03:09:05 GMT

Blood and Chocolate movie:

I hate you with the burning heat of a thousand suns. I was stupid enough to watch five of ten parts of you on YouTube until I skipped to the end and confirmed my assumptions. You know, I can't even say you ruined the book for me because you are nothing like the book. Your creators have taken the names of the characters and the "werewolf/loup garoux" theme and created a whole different story with a horrible ending. I realize you were trying to prove that love can transcend species barriers, but really...no. Just, no. Even the characters relations are different, as is the setting of the movie. Who the hell decided you should be based in Romania, or that Rafe is Astrid's son? In the book, Rafe and Astrid were practicing the horizontal mambo on a fairly regular basis. Please let me know so I can shank them.

In addition, Vivian working in a chocolate factory? Proves that you totally do not even understand the concept of the phrase "blood or chocolate?"

I hope that the Twilight movie is nothing like you.

Hoping you die a terribly mangled death in a fire,

Me.

New Banner and the New Year

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 02:39:51 GMT

New bannah, new bannah!

Thanks to bff_icons for it! I have my Too-san whipped. :DDD

Even though Hitsugaya was able to prove how "special" he was in his own side chapter, I still love this spread.

Also, my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Be more healthy. Work out, lose weight and actually KEEP it off. I'm not overweight really, I'm just insanely short so I just look a little...plump right now. A few weeks in the gym and I'll lose it. I turn into such a gym rat, no lie. In addition, I eat stuff that I really shouldn't. I need to eat more salads and less Chic-Fil-A. Damn you, campus food court. >:[

2. Go home from college less often. I need more of a social life liek whoa. I love going out to the bars and flirting with the boys, but I'm too much in love with my ~~dogs~~ mom to stay away from ~~them~~ her for too long.

3. Keep up my 4.0 GPA so my parent's will still let me go to France in July.

~~4. Get a boyfriend. I need some lovin'.~~

What about y'all?

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:30:30 GMT

OMG MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.

I worked for eight hours today, and it was crazy. It was only my second day, and there were like 65468782 people trying to check out and asking where shit was all at the same time. I was lucky enough to be able to go in after the luncheon, so I missed all the fun of setting up and taking down for that, but setting up for the cooking class was KILLER. The chef [who I'm not going to name because her daughter is kind of famous and I don't want shit to get out but whatev.] is fucking crazy. She was ordering us all around like we were her lap dogs. My manager ended up leaving early after downing about two glasses of wine and smoking like 5598162 cigarettes to try to calm her nerves. That left me and the other girl that works there to deal with her, and by the end we were ready to shank a bitch. But apparently the chef likes me [probably because I cut those tortillas like a fucking champ] and said I was a great help and so on. As she said all this, I was thinking, "premiere tickets, y/n?"

Anyway...some mother has decided that her five year old needs to have a birthday party, so we're helping them make mini pizzas. It'll be cool. I think. But...I don't even know if we have plastic cups. We normally use glass water goblets and wine glasses for the Typical Parties. ~~Damn people coming in and messing up our groove.~~ Omg, omg! That reminds me! When he was finished filling the wine glasses for the ~~bitches~~ women who were eating, the assistant manager brought the uuber expensive wine to the back where the other under-age girls and I were working and was like, "here, finish this! It's too good to be used in cooking. Drink it quick!" So the girls and I pulled out some glasses and drained that bottle fast! It was AMAZING. That's one of the perks of working at a place like that: all the wine and cheese and food is expensive and yummy and 5-star.

On top of all this crap, I still have to run around and say "oh, yes, our aprons are over here and the cookbooks over there," and "your total is: Your First-Born Son; cash or credit?" in addition to throwing things at the other girls that need to be gift wrapped.

So now that my LOL factor is filled for the day [it's interesting how it's funny now that the day's over and I'm reflecting, but while I was working...not so much], I'm going to go off and write some.

How was y'all's day?

Fandom Debt

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 02:27:47 GMT

Omg, I feel like Jazzy right now just typing that subject line. ;-;

1. A Draco/Ginny fic that I already have like three chapters done on. I had written those a long time ago, before DH came out. I was thinking about making it DH compliant, but I don't think I am. There's a lot of traipsing around France and the English countryside, and I want certain characters to actually be ALIVE. Anyway, it was a project I started a while ago but lost interest in, and now I'm like OAHG;AKGH'FDLKGJ MUST FINISH!!

2. A darker Vegeta/Bulma and Yamcha/Bulma fic. I already have this outlined and seriously can't wait to start actually writing it.

3. Rewrite my Trunks/Pan AU fic. I took it off fanfiction.net so that I wouldn't be accused of plagarizing myself under a different penname, and I have fanbrats asking me "Where's your story???" all the time. And I'm nice, so I write them back and explain everything.

4. I still want to write that Ryuuken/Nanao fic! I don't exactly know how I'm going to go about that.

5. I have a Rosalie/Emmett fic sketched out, but I think it needs to sit and simmer in the back of my mind for a while before I start seriously writing it.

Other than that, I got a job working for my aunt down in Laurel, about an hour and a half away from my house. I hate that I'm basically going to have to spend four days out of the week away from my mom during the break, but I have to. Apparently noone in Jackson wants to hire me. ~~This isn't helping my inferiority complex.~~

My mood theme is very funny right now. It makes me miss the Pre-SS days and Rukia's hilarious drawings with her This Is Srs Business attitude. Oh, HM arc, you take the hilarity out of my fandom and replace it with amazing plot. I'm going to have to go back to Ouran for my giggles now.

AKL;SDJFA;DSJ

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 19:35:51 GMT

Ahhhh I just got my final grades for my first semester! I got straight As! I feel so happy and proud of myself cuz I had some BITCHES of classes. ~~[bitches of a class? How exactly would the grammar work here?]~~

More important than the self-inflating vanity and pride of my own intellectual prowess is the fact that I'm above the required GPA to keep my academic scholarships. If I drop below a 3.5, I lose something like $1,700 a year. ;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Anyway, what's going on with y'all??

OMFG, part ii

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:20:06 GMT

Seriously, this is why I don't abandon the internet. I just had to go 140 entries back in my flist to catch up from the past 2-3 days.

WHAT THE HELL?

So, most of it was crap and fanficrants posts [except for magicalcow's amazing Byakuya post], but still: the very idea of having to spend TWO HOURS sorting through my internet life.

*head --> hands*

k sleep time now...

OMFG. MY LIFE. IT BURNS.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:11:46 GMT

I have both of my finals today: Intensive Elementary French and Calculus for Decision Making [aka, the math class from hell]. After I finish those, I have to write a research paper for my International Studies class and I've already turned in my portfolio for my English class.

I could technically leave for home this afternoon, but I'm sticking around until Thursday to basically party. I don't go to the No. 2 Party School for nothing, people!

I haven't checked my flist in so long. Please let me know if I've missed something! [I'm looking at you, sodanielle, syneiam, and overtoned]

MEME TIME!

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:38:02 GMT

Hokay, very fast right now before I have to do school work stuff. I've been off of school for a whole week and am just now starting homework--less than 24 hours before my English class.

Anywho:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).
~~6. Tag five people~~

"Emeralds would suit you better, I think. Do you like emeralds, Isabelle?"

"They are green, no? I've never owned much jewelry. I do have a betrothal ring from Hugh. But I suppose I must give it back now, must I not?" she said impishly, and John laughed.

-The scene from Here Be Dragons, by Sharon Kay Penman where 32-year-old King John offers his fiancee, 12-year-old Isabelle, a necklace. ~~He's caught with his hand down her bodice two pages later.~~ It's a kickass book; I've gotten halfway through it in the past week. FIND IT, READ IT, EMBRACE IT! Nothing's more kick ass than reading about 13th century Wales/England!

Life, or Something Like It.

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:58:44 GMT

God, I love thinking up cliche titles for my posts. XDD

Anyway. School's out for the week, and it feels fucking amazing. I'm not even going to lie. My brother is flying in from Virginia to see me and mom for the whole week, and that's going to be great...until we get sick of each other and start bickering.

I'm going to use my free time this week to write fic. Because I have all these different ideas running through my head and I haven't been able to sit down and just write in forever. And no offense to my beloved anime/manga fandoms, but as kick ass as y'all are, I think I need to...branch out, shall we say?

In college wtf-ery news: I was unceremoniously dropped from my INST 207 class, which puts me down to 12 hours for next semester. I went to go see my advisor, who said I should take some other class, but I'm still pissed because no matter what class I end up taking, I'll still probably have to double up on my INST classes. Ugh. I hate being in such an intensive major sometimes--I've already got enough stress just being in Croft, why add any more?

HOLY CRACKERS!

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:42:40 GMT

AL;DDJFA;LJFA;KDLDF;JDA'SDJ!!!

New layout and banner! I'm so excited! adirtytrip colored the banner for me, and hellogoodmornin supplied the layout.

I will do a proper entry later but...I have a fable to write. No, seriously. A fable. And it's due in an hour.

If left unchecked, peer pressure can break bones

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 22:03:23 GMT

In light of my uuber-difficult calculus midterm on Thursday that I will be failing and my French exam tomorrow, I am spending my time doing memes. >DDD

List ten things that have recently made you happy ~~and tag ten people~~ [Do I even have ten people on my f-list? I am horribly unpopular. BNF I am not. ;-;]

1. Manga in general. Bleach has risen from the dead, there's so many wonderful OTP7 moments in Ouran, I've completed reading Fruits Basket, and I've caved and begun meandering through Death Note and [possibly] D.Gray-Man.
2. My pets. My dog is an idiot, my mom's dog is so needy [we must throw balls. all the time. or else.], my white cat is the biggest bitch evar and the most fun to mess with, and my fat, fluffy kitten is so chill...it's like he's perpetually high on ~~weed~~ life.
3. sodanielle/adirtytrip's new photoshop skillz. [srsly, danielle, you think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I fangirl all over your style.]
4. My roommate joining Kappa Alpha Theta. I'm so happy that she's happy. And I get to eat free food when I go with her to the house, eat all the candy from her Big Sis that she doesn't want--namely Milk Duds. YUM--, our room looks even cuter with all of her KAO crap, and she's out of my hair for hours a week while she's doing sorority stuff. SCORE.
5. I'm going to France next summer. And it's going to be BAD. ASS.
6. I have to work all winter. I don't know why this makes me happy, but it does. Maybe because I'll be making money? Whatever. All I know is that I'm anticipating it.
7. School being over in two weeks. Count it: this week, off for the week of Thanksgiving, one more week of class, and then finals! And I only have two finals.
8. Screw it, Bleach is getting it's own number. BLEACH IS BACK! We can move out of our Corners of Wibbling/Mushrooms and embrace the idea of there actually being a light at the end of the tunnel! There have already been amazing Kurotsuchi and Byakuya moments, which should be iconed and talked about to death because, seriously? when was the last time this story needed saving so badly? ~~And the Bount Arc doesn't count.~~
9. I'm seeing my brother on Saturday. What's even better, his little awkward friend is coming with him. John's awesome by himself, but Zack's so...fun. He reminds me of L--not as smart, but in the fact that he stays in a room with a computer, playing video games, and literally squints when he goes out in the sun. And he's so tall that he slouches a lot. ~~It's official...I want to read Death Note now. Even though the fandom scurrs me.~~
10. The JKR wank has made me LOL quite a lot. Wank in general just makes me happy. I enjoy watching people froth at the mouth. ~~Which is why I enjoy Syn's IchiOri commentary so much.~~ XD

Yayes, done! I've been in such a bad mood lately; I wasn't sure if I could have found ten!

I hate you. No. Really.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 23:52:34 GMT

Dear Costa,

I mis.heard. you. Seriously. I mean...I'm trying to log in to a computer on a guest account and listen to what the teacher is saying. So when you asked, "Who here is in the Honors College?" yes, I did raise my hand because I thought you said, "Who here is NOT in the Honors College?" Simple mistake--anyone could have made it, especially with your accent and pissy voice.

So, when I say, "I'm sorry, sir. I misheard you," please don't bitch me the fuck out. No, I was not "following the crowd" when I raised my hand, nor did I "not listen." I mis-fucking-heard you. I also won't "jump off a cliff if everyone else does."

You're not even my teacher. You're the tech guy for the Honors College who hasn't been home to Russia in eleven years.

Get over yourself.

Glaring at you,

Me.

12 Days and Counting...It's like Christmas, but not really

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 22:39:24 GMT

So, there are two weeks until Thanksgiving break, and then a week of class following that, and then exams. That means three weeks of school left in my first semester at college. How crazy is that?

It's interesting though, how my plans for the winter break have changed. First, I was going to go to Virginia ~~and become a hookah-smoking, alcohol-drinking lush~~ again, like this summer. But on Monday I had a huge falling-out with one of my on-again, off-again friends. Marium and my relationship was interesting; we've known each other since seventh grade, and over the past six years have been either the best of friends or the worst of enemies. This summer, we were basically best friends who raised hell and had a lot of fun doing it. Our parents hated us; our boys loved us. And so we planned to go to New York for three days over winter break, which I would be spending at her house with her and we would go out every night.

But now I want to go to France for six weeks next summer for a program which, when it's all said and done, will probably end up costing somewhere around $7,000, if not more. My parent's could have cared less about New York, but they told me to make a choice between New York or France. Obviously, I chose France. I told Marium this over the phone, and she proceeded to flip her shit, scream and yell at me, and cause me to break down into tears in front of my friends. I mean, being told that I "always fuck everything up" and that I am not close to my mother otherwise I would know how to lie to her, that I'm not committed to anything, that I'm the one that fucked up, etc., etc., makes me feel like some sort of dysfunctional human being.

Needless to say, I don't really want to be her friend again. I could go on forever about her, but it's hard to explain to other people how Marium is. She's a rich girl who's a lot of fun to be around until someone pisses her off. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? ~~Well, I'm not her lover, but same difference, really.~~ All of my friends have told me, and told me at the beginning of the summer, to watch myself around Marium because she can turn on people for no reason. It's hard though, because I'm that girl who gives everyone a second chance and the benefit of the doubt and goes out of her way and bends over backwards for the very people who would give me the shaft in a heart beat. I wrote her a facebook message basically saying "you really hurt my feelings and I wouldn't expect my bff to say these things" only in really tl;dr fashion with boo-coos of quotes from our lovely conversation and she never even acknowledged the message.

So I put that wench on limited profile and took her off my top friends. =P Ahh, yess. The virtual bitch slap of the 20th century: getting taken off top friends.

After spending about a week moping around--because I am really hurt by our falling out; I'm an emotional person and she really was my best friend--I finally got over it and realized that I need to be working my ass off all winter vacation in order to purchase my own plane ticket and have spending money while in France. It looks like I'm going to be working at a day care...once I get the application and job, of course. But my mom's friend says they're always looking for seasonal employment because school lets out but parents still have to work and they need extra people to handle the kids. I love kids. I have a seven-year-old brother so I'm a pro at reading stories and changing diapers and making airplane noises while feeding babies.

If that doesn't work out, it looks like I'll be doing retail. At minimum wage. *le sigh* I've had ins at all of my jobs I've worked at before. I really wonder what it will be like once I have to get a job at a place where I know nobody. That'll suck.

School-wise, I have three weeks in which I have another midterm and a final in Calculus [I don't know why we're having ANOTHER midterm], a paper and a portfolio due in English, a French final [it's a 6-credit course, so I go every. day.], and a research paper in International Studies. ~~Kill me now, plz&thnku~~ So between all of that and applying for jobs, I'll have a busy next four weeks.

OMG. My first semester is almost over.

And all of that was without mentioning family drama! *fingers fall off nao*

ETA: I apparently have a paper due tomorrow based on 200+ pages worth of reading and I haven't started the reading or (obviously) the paper. ;-;

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 20:58:48 GMT

Dear Man In Charge of Changing TV Channels At My Gym,

Hey. I was watching that. Now what am I going to ellipticize to for the next 45 minutes? It doesn't help that you changed it from the ever-amusing South Park to some lame-ass wrestling reality show on SpikeTV.

No Love,

Me.

OMG NO WAI!

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:27:06 GMT

WHUT? DUMBLYDORE'S GHEY???

I'm really not that suprised. lo...l?

~~This just makes me wonder what he was really thinking all those times Harry was alone in his office.~~

Fic of Utter Fail

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 04:38:13 GMT

This is for overtoned, who, a long, LONG, time ago, requested either a self-insert or a Mary Sue parody. Well, Kaasan orders, and I obey. I apologize in advance for this fic, for some characters have unfortunately been harmed in the making of it. Also, there are some references to crackinfusion, because I am a good daughter and I pimp the comm like that. XDDD

There's also a Mind of Mencia reference. Am I the only one that watches that show?

Anyway...~~plzdon'tbekillingme~~

When his shinigami badge began vibrating in the middle of his history class, Ichigo raised his hand and asked if he could be excused. His throat hurt fairly badly, you see, and he simply had to visit the nurse. After mentioning that a stout round of antibiotics would wipe out whatever chronic disease he seemed to be suffering from, the teacher let him leave the classroom.

He left his body on the roof of the school and sprinted off through the streets of Karakura town, searching vainly for the Hollow whose presence he was sure had set off his badge. The sun beat down into his eyes and he ran past the messenger shinigami without noticing her at all.

"You're late!" The girl chirruped, grabbing Zangetsu and yanking Ichigo to a halt and nearly completely off his feet in the process.

"No!" he sputtered while regaining his footing. "There's a Hollow—"

"Kuchiki Rukia sent me, Kurosaki-san," she interrupted, unsheathing her zanpakutou and opening the gate to Soul Society. "My appearance in this world activated your badge, not a Hollow. Let's go!" Ichigo opened his mouth to speak but the girl bounded through the gate, dragging him by his shihakusho.

Rukia was waiting for him on the other side. She nodded curtly to the messenger shinigami who bowed and shunpo'd away. "Thank the gods you're here," she muttered, a dark look on her face.

"What the hell's going on?" Ichigo demanded, struggling, for once, to keep up with Rukia's fast strides across the plaza. "I have a midterm tomorrow, you know. You just pulled me from my review class!"

Rukia glanced over her shoulder but refused to answer.

"Look, Rukia, unless Aizen's starting another fucking war, I'm sure you and the rest of the Shinigami can take care of it."

"Everything's going to the fucking dogs around here," she finally bit out. "It seems like I'm the only sane one!"

Ichigo grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Mary Sue," Rukia sighed, shrugging his hand off of his shoulder. It hovered in the air for a moment before Ichigo let it drop to his side.

"...Who?"

"Exactly," she said with a harsh laugh. "Who the hell is Mary Sue? She came out of nowhere—just showed up in Ichimaru's old office after testing out of the Academy. I've never heard of anyone doing that; the Academy Board didn’t even offer that choice when I was there. Now, everybody's gone batshit crazy. C'mon."

She walked away from him, slower this time. Ichigo fell into step beside her and followed her to the third division's main offices. Last time he had visited these offices, the wide halls had been deadly silent; the shuffling of papers had been louder than the hushed voices of the disgraced-division's shinigami. Today, the halls were filled with highly attractive men and women who spoke to each other in loud, flirtatious voices. Ichigo edged closer to Rukia—because she knew where she was going and he didn't, of course.

Rukia tapped her knuckles lightly against the frame of the shoji at the end of the hall and slid it open. High pitched laughter assaulted Ichigo's ears the moment he stepped across the threshold.

"Rukia-saaan~!" The young girl behind Ichimaru's desk cooed.

Except...the desk was gone and piles of brightly colored and copiously tasseled cushions had replaced it. The girl—Mary Sue, Ichigo supposed—sat cross-legged upon the tallest pile. Men in various states of undress reclined on the cushions surrounding her, Shuuhei and Renji among them.

"Oh my god," Ichigo breathed as Rukia bowed stiffly to Mary Sue, "it's a fucking harem."

"A what?" Rukia hissed. Ichigo's eyes remained on Ikkaku's fingers dropping grapes between the candy-red lips of Mary Sue. "Ichigo!"

"A harem, dumbass. Like in the old kingdoms of the Middle East. Haven't you heard about them?"

"If I had heard about them, would I be asking you what they are?"

Mary twirled a tendril of pink-highlighted blonde hair around her finger and giggled at Kira's witty comment. She seemed to have completely forgotten about her visitors.

Ichigo exhaled. "A harem is a collection of, well, usually women kept by a king. But this is opposite—a woman keeping a collection of men."

"Like dolls?"

"...No."

"Books?"

Ichigo blushed. "Not exactly. A collection for...secksfours." The last part of his sentence tumbled out of his mouth in a jumble of syllables.

"What the hell is a secksfour, Ichigo?"

"Sexual favors, idiot!"

The surprised expression fleeted surprisingly fast across her face. Her eyes quickly narrowed and her lips tightened. Ichigo swallowed nervously. Rukia reached up, fisted the collar of his shihakusho in her hand, and yanked his face down to hers. "Ichigo, my brother is part of that harem. Now take care of it."

"Rukia, I can't—"

"Bya-kun~!" Mary Sue called, waggling her fingers at a beaded curtain covering the entrance to a storage closet. Rukia's fingers tightened on the collar of Ichigo's shihakusho, nearly cutting off his air supply when Byakuya slithered between the beads, running his fingers through his hair and toppling gracefully onto the second-tallest pile of pillows. "Let me play with your hair, Bya-kun~!" Mary Sue giggled, tracing Byakuya's bare chest with her finger tips.

Rukia shook Ichigo briskly. "My brother kills people with his flower petals; he doesn’t wear them. If you don't fix this, I will make you wish that Aizen had run you through with his sword when he had the chance. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Ichigo gasped, the edges of his vision blurring from lack of oxygen. Satisfied, she shoved him towards Mary Sue and settled against the wall to watch.

Rubbing his abused neck, Ichigo warily approached Mary Sue and her collection of boys.

"Who're you?" Mary Sue asked, pushing Byakuya off her lap and coming to stand before Ichigo. "I haven't seen you around here, and I know everybody."

With Rukia's eyes burning into the back of his head, Ichigo schooled his face into an expression of nonchalance and crossed his arms across his chest. "M'name's Kurosaki Ichigo. I'm stationed in Karakura Town. Who're you?"

"I'm Mary Sue, of course!" Mary laughed. She bit her bottom lip as her aquamarine eyes landed on Zangetsu. "Is that your zanpakutou? It's so...big." Her harem chuckled at her innuendo.

"Wait'll you see my bankai!" Ikkaku called out.

After staring incredulously at Ikkaku, Ichigo returned his attention to Mary. "Yes. This is Zangetsu. He's constantly in shikai, that's why he's so big. What's your zanpakutou's name?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Mary shrugged, twirling her nagamaki. "This is Gary Stu. He's in constant bankai, though. I don't know what he looks like normally...I achieved bankai so young, you know."

Ichigo suddenly remembered the time his father came home claiming to have completed his training to become a neurosurgeon. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to be neurosurgeons, and some people just weren't allowed to exist. Still, Ichigo forced a polite, conversational tone into his voice. "Aa. Rukia tells me you tested out of the Academy."

"Of course!" Mary meandered forward and began circling Ichigo, her sky-over-Milan-blue eyes scrutinizing his build and lingering on his ass. "I mean, those classes would have just been too easy. I'd been protecting my district for so long that I had picked up all I needed to know for kidou and basic training."

"You protected your district all by yourself?" Surely, Ichigo thought, only Men like Kenpachi are allowed to tell stories like this. At least Kenpachi had the attitude and scars to prove it. Of course, Ichigo didn't dare hold his Lovely Item against Kenpachi's overall badassery.

Mary smiled sadly and slipped her arm through Ichigo's. "It was such a dangerous life; I almost gave up so many times. But my friends were so important to me that I simply couldn't abandon them to the robbers and murderers." She sighed and rested her head against his bicep and continued, "Luckily though, I had my tiger to protect me at night."

"...Your tiger," Ichigo stated after a disbelieving pause, furrowing his eyebrows and extricating himself from Mary's ~~tentacles~~ arms.

"Yes, her name is Yuki. We can communicate telepathically, so she has always alerted me to danger."

"Sue-san...what can't you do?" Ichigo demanded, pointedly moving away when Mary reached for him again.

Mary put a finger to her chin and moved back to her pillows, thinking hard. "I'm not sure. I'm pretty perfect, after all. But I'm amazingly humble, you know."

"I've noticed," Ichigo muttered.

Mary reached out her hand. "Come here, Ichigo," she summoned with a smile. "I know you've noticed my amazing power and beauty, all tied together with a mysterious past and an amiable personality. Will you stay with me and the rest of the division?"

"On that note," Renji called loudly, raising his hand and wiggling his fingers. "I have an announcement to maaaake!"

"Shut up, Renji," Rukia snapped, rolling her eyes. "We all know you're gay."

"Ugh. As if!" He sniffed. "I'm quelling the rumor right now. I'm totally straight!"

"What the fuck happened to you?" Ichigo asked, exasperated. "I can understand Kira and Hanatarou—they were pansies to begin with—but you?"

"Don't be mean to Renji-kun!" Mary burst out, wrapping her arms around Renji's shoulders. "He's not a stray anymore! I gave him a home!"

"You gave him a collar!"

"It has his name and rank on the tag!" Mary pointed defiantly at the silver tag hanging from the black leather.

"Excuse me." Ichigo and Mary Sue stopped arguing to stare at Captain Kuchiki as he entered the room with a stack of files in hand. "Captain Sue, here are the documents you requested."

"Bya-kun?" Mary asked, pushing Renji off her lap and rising to her feet.

Byakuya stared blankly at her. "No," he answered, distinctly displeased at his new nickname.

"Then who the hell is that?" Ichigo demanded, pointing at the shirtless Byakuya in Mary Sue's harem. Harem-Byakuya made no attempt to escape; instead, he calmly wiped away the whipped cream Mary had smeared across his chest.

Byakuya calmly flicked a piece of lint from his cloak. "That is Kurokuya. He got his hands on one of my uniforms. Again."

Kurokuya pouted and set aside the mandolin he had been playing. "Time to go?"

"Back to your closet," Byakuya ordered, looking around for a desk on which to place the files he had brought. Seeing none, he finally set them neatly on the floor. As he turned to leave, Mary rushed forward and grabbed his arm.

"Bya-kun," she smiled sweetly, "I know you want to stay for a while...I have tea! We can sit around and not talk about your wife and pretend that she never existed or that you never really loved her in the first place!"

Byakuya pushed her away from him with the most disgusted look Ichigo had ever seen on his face. "I must decline. The head of the Kuchiki household does not associate with commoners, especially commoners whose social reputations are questionable at best and wildly promiscuous at worst. Besides...I simply don't prefer tea. Aizen had the market cornered while he was employed here." With that, Byakuya and Kurokuya exited the office, the shoji slamming shut behind them.

Mary stared after them, sinking down onto her pillows. Her harem fluttered about her, attempting to feed her grapes or brush her hair or purify a Hollow in her name. Ichigo retreated back to Rukia's side. "Okay, I think if I challenge her to a duel I can—"

"Forget it," she replied.

"What?"

She scoffed and patted Ichigo's arm deprecatingly. "I only cared about Nii-sama's reputation. Now that he is cleared from any scandal, Mary Sue can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. Let's go," she ordered, reaching for the edge of the shoji.

"No!" Mary Sue cried. "Stay here, Ichigo! Don't you love me?"

"W-What?" Ichigo sputtered.

Yumichika soothingly petted Mary Sue's shoulder. "It won't work, darling," he warned her. "Ichigo's asexual. He's immune to your charms."

Rukia dragged Ichigo from the room before he attempted to pull the feathers from Yumichika's eyebrows. When they stopped, he turned on her. "You're just going to let her keep on like that?"

"I told you, it's not my problem anymore," she explained, leaning back against the wall. "You can go back if you want, now. I know you have that big test tomorrow."

Ichigo huffed and leaned against the wall next to her. "Oh, so now you care about my grades?"

"Imagine if that had been Nii-sama, Ichigo!"

He glanced at her suspiciously. "Did you know that Byakuya had a brother?"

"Of course," she smirked. "I thought he was with Soifon again, though. Nii-sama approves of her breeding potential, at least."

"I'm not going to think about what you're implying," Ichigo muttered. "What about the others?"

She tipped her head back and cut her eyes over to look at his earnest face. " They'll come to their senses soon enough. She's too perfect. They'll get sick of her."

They stood in silence, watching the ripples of the lake. "Yea," Ichigo finally said, smirking, "Mary Sue makes me appreciate loud-mouthed bitches a lot more."

"I know you're not talking about me, Ichigo," she said.

"Oh, no, I am," he replied, pushing off the wall and shunpo'ing to the gate to the living world. He had a midterm to study for, after all.

----

It's okay to cry, I promise. D:

Poor Bleach. It keeps getting parodied. It's just so hard to take it seriously.

~~I am the duckling being sacrificed~~ ;-;

Because I am addicted to Quizzes...

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 23:48:05 GMT

...And should really be doing my homework.

You Are Apple Cider
Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Ironically, I also saw a magnet today which said, "Aquarius: Emotionally detached, cranky, spiteful, apathetic." I craied.

You Are Lara Croft

"Everything lost is meant to be found."

What Superheroine Are You?

Angelina Jolie FTW! My idol... *sigh*

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

...I want this room...prettypleasekthnx.

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

OKAY HOMEWORK NOW!

I've procrastinated for farrrr too long, my friends...

"You can't have the dog back. We're keeping him. His name is Gumbo now."

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 19:24:19 GMT

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

If you do nothing else with your week, your weekend, hell, your life, GO SEE FEAST OF LOVE.

It's better than Love Actually and The Notebook put together, or pulled apart, whatever.

Let me put it this way: I am a cynic. The main question in this movie is: "Do you think love is a trick or do you think it's the only reason there is to this crazy dream?" Normally, I would pick the first. I don't want to get married; I think I'll make a horrible wife because I am too determined and self-centered when it comes to my dreams. But this movie...omg. If I had a love like Oscar and Chloe, I would not mind throwing away my dreams and living in a run down shack and working in a coffee shop for the rest of my life. Because I would be happy and nothing else would matter.

Here's the trailer:

Public Service announcement over. Now, I expect all of you to go see it and leave me comments about the gloriousness that is Feast of Love. I'm going to go buy the book now. Amazon.com, here I come!

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:08:08 GMT

*Flail*

I seriously have no idea how overtoned keeps cranking out her fics. I'm amazed. And they're GOOD. I beta them and think, holy shit, she actually concentrates and tries! Woes for me, because college is kicking my ass.

Still, I would like to have the following completed...sometime in the near future:

1. My Mary-Sue badfic for Jazzy. I know what my Sue is going to be like, but there's no plot yet! I have a page written but then I think, I have nowhere to go. Maybe I can be like other Sue writers and have no plot to begin with? OMG I JUST HAD A NOT-PLOT BUNNY. I KNOW WHAT I'M WRITING NOW.

2. RyuukenNanao fic inspired by crackinfusion. It Just Makes Sense. They have photographical proof. XD

3. My ByaHisa, even though my soul dies every time I look at it. I just love them too much.

4. Some sort of Draco/Ginny and Bulma/Vegeta fic, because they're my all-time OTPs. I got started in fanfic writing them, and I feel like I need to return to my roots for a little while.

5. Rewrite the utter shit that is "The High Price of Birth." I'm not linking because I am soon going to be taking it down, tearing it to shreds, and reposting it.

But right now I have to analyze Joseph Stalin's "The Result of the First Five-Year Plan," and study for my Calculus midterm tomorrow. I'm feeling the need to jam to some John Mayer.

COLLEGE!!

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:50:28 GMT

So, college is pretty freaking awesome. Amazingly hard, but awesome. My roommate is awesome and totally AZN. She brought a rice cooker and a huge bag of rice.

I'm in a little dorm--the smallest one on campus and only two floors. The rooms are also TINY. The rooms in Stewart hall are at least three or four feet longer than the ones here in Miller. But I love my room. I have my bed lofted to 5'3" from the floor and Jenny has hers about three feet off the floor and the fridge underneath it. We would have a daybed under mine and a rug on the floor but those are currently in...storage...somewhere. After the move, we ended up losing/misplacing a lot of stuff.

My campus is freaking gorgeous. The Grove is in the center of campus, and it's what I would call a "grassy knoll." My major is International Studies so I'm a part of the Croft Institute, and the Croft building is pretty much the only building that sits on the Grove itself. I also walk across the plaza to get to my french class, and there's a huge fountain in the center and a clock tower at the far end. Sadly, the Union was built in like the 1970s, so it's very...non-fitting with the late 19th century style of the rest of the buildings on campus. But all the beauty of the world can't keep the sun from beating down on my face. It was 95 degrees today and I walk at least ten to fifteen minutes across campus to each of my classes.

Also, a crazy side note: The campus security force is called the Cobras. Not even kidding. The back of their official shirts say "Cobra Security." I find this hilarious. I keep imagining them as snakes.

Because I'm in this oh-so-amazing program, I have ended up taking eighteen hours instead of the typical fifteen:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday
9:00-9:50 Music 103
11:00-11:50 French 111
2:00-2:50 English 101 [There's only five people total in this class.]

Tuesdays/Thursdays
9:30-10:45 International Studies 101
11:00-12:15 French 111 [Yes, I have French every day]
1:00-2:15 Math 271 [aka Calculus]

My calculus class is kinda scary. I'm not a math person. My teacher's from Germany or something; he has the best accent ever. We were doing some sort of puzzle today and he asked how many people agreed with whatever solution someone had come up with and three people definitively agreed with it. He said, "That's enough! Because according to this wonderful little book called Alice in Wonderland, if three people say the same thing, that makes that thing true." He said that with a completely straight face, too, that's what made it so funny. At the end of class he added: "Yes, Lewis Carroll is a great man. Everyone should read him."

Okay so I'm done with college talk for now. My cousin's taking me out to dinner with my roommate and then I have papers, etc. to write.

"VIP": A Hisagi+Rukia fic

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 03:45:07 GMT

Title: VIP
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: G
Notes: This was cranked out in about half an hour. It's just a little ficlet; take it at face value. There's very little going on beneath the surface.

Prompt by renjifan: Snowflakes.

----

Straight out of the Academy, Shuuhei Hisagi was a seated officer in the ninth division. This unprecedented achievement makes him a Very Important Person, and Very Important People have Very Important Things to do all day, every day. Each moment has a specific purpose, and it would be extremely remiss of him if he did not fulfill that exact purpose at that exact moment.

However...Kuchiki Rukia is a member of one of the Noble Houses, so that makes her a Very Important Person as well. Very Important People, Hisagi notes, do not lie on their backs with their mouths open.

He slips the papers he is to deliver to the lieutenant of the Eleventh Division into the front of his hakama and steps off the path. The light snow on the ground crunches underneath his sandals as he carefully makes his way over to Kuchiki Rukia. While still a decent distance away, Hisagi pauses and observes her once more. Her mouth closes and she swallows before opening it again. How odd, he thinks.

She sits up, blushing lightly, when he clears his throat. "Shuuhei-san," she greets, swiping at the hank of hair on the back of her head that has become soaked by the snow.

"Kuchiki-sama," he returns, careful to be extremely polite. He does not know this woman, only the rumors and stories that swirl around her. As she scrambles to stand, Hisagi briefly wonders if they are true, but quickly brushes that thought aside—enough faulty tales surround him and he has decided to let his sword show what is true and what is not. "What were you doing?"

Rukia crosses her arms over her chest. "Enjoying my break," she replies defensively.

"By lying in the snow with your mouth gaping open?"

"I was catching snowflakes!" She corrects him.

"Ah." In his youth, Hisagi had seen other children do this, but they had been running around with their heads tilted back, constantly running into each other and tripping over the uneven dirt. He had never understood this idea of "catching snowflakes." What was the point of it? It did not seem very fun to him; unlike most past times, it had no point, no clear goal. Very Important Things always have a point.

"Well," Rukia says, breaking the awkward silence, "I had better go back in."

As she passes him, Hisagi asks if she wouldn't mind taking some papers to her lieutenant. She says no, takes the sheaf from him without ceremony, and returns to the series of gazebos that make up the eleventh division's headquarters. He watches her until she disappears inside, and then he turns his face up to the cloudy sky. The snowflakes continue to waft down, drifting this way and that with the wind. Curiously, Hisagi sticks out his tongue and waits until a single fluff of frozen water lands on it. It doesn't taste like anything, he thinks almost disappointedly.

Shaking his head to clear it of distracting thoughts, Hisagi turns around and heads back to his own division. Surely there is some important paperwork to be filed somewhere.

----

Fin! I was going to go into her past in the Rukongai, but I thought it would be out of character for her to ramble on about that with a complete stranger if she won't even open up to Kaien.

Crossposted to shuuruki

It's been a long time...

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 22:24:01 GMT

I haven't posted in forever. Sorry guys. College is eating my life and I'm not even there yet. Beware looking behind the cuts, especially the first one: they contain some Real Life drama.

You know what the WORST thing about being a divorce kid is?? Your parents will place you in the middle forever. Even when it's something that should not concern you or even if they know that you don't know everything that's going on. Case in point: paying for my college tuition. Now, I know that my dad's pretty loaded. Sadly, I see barely any of his George Washingtons, and I feel that I'm not being a spoiled brat since I don't complain about this fact and don't constantly ask him for money. Still, I don't know exactly what his salary is--all I know is that he makes a shitload more than my mom [who I live with, btw].

My parent's basically refuse to talk to eachother unless it's absolutely necessary. This means that John or I act as the liason for whatever their current drama is. It doesn't help that whenever Mom writes Dad an email, he doesn't respond to her. Instead, his master plan is to call ME and tell ME what to tell MOM. FTW??? I'm sorry, I don't know what the whole divorce agreement was since you two said that, and I quote, "WE DON'T WANT TO INVOLVE YOU." Well, you're involving me now and it's pissing me off.

Finally, I had to open a can of whoopass and be the real adult and tell them to stop whining to me about it and actually talk to eachother. I mean, shit, they were married for 15 years the least they can do is exchange a freaking email outlining what their each willing to pay for. And honestly, my dad should be paying for most of it since mom's carrying two mortgages and a car payment and all kinds of other shit while my dad sits in a freaking 700K house with five cars and a boat and two planes.

AND one of my friends is freaking PREGNANT. At EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. As if that's not bad enough, she showed up at a party drinking, smoking, and coming off her five-valium high. I have no words. Like...what do you even SAY to that? The worst thing is that I'm not supposed to know, so I can't just go up to her and tell her to stop without getting my other friend in trouble for telling me about it. She's starting to show though so everybody knows and is talking about it.

Sorry about the above venting.

So I'm in this Really Great Program at my university for International Relations. Which is great, really. I'm excited! But. I was assigned a text book to read at the beginning of the summer which is 500+ pages and 18 chapters long. College starts on monday and I'm on chapter SEVEN. Oh, did I mention that we're being tested on said textbook? Head, let me introduce you to your long-lost cousin, Desk.

In addition, I have to learn the different countries of the world. Which, too, is great. Expand my knowledge, etc. But again I've pulled a classic Porter move and waited until yesterday to start. I know know where Swaiziland is located. And Togo and even Namibia. Basically, I've got Africa down. The rest of the world? No freaking clue.

I move into my dorm on Saturday. Excited? Why, yes, I am! I think I'm more excited about moving out than moving in. I really don't know who's going to do all these chores for my mom when I'm gone. She's already suffering from empty nest. I'm glad I'm leaving my two dogs and four cats for her to ~~take care of~~ nurture and treat as her own children. Yes, I do have that many animals. No, I don't know how it happened.

There's also a good $2,350 worth of financial aid that's still up in the air, so I sent off the last of the documents to The Place. I know I'll get $500 of that but the rest I'm kinda "amigonnagetit? maybeihopeso! ihopetheytakea3.46asa3.5!!!"

As for fandom stuff, I'll have my ShuuRuki done by tonight, hopefully. And I want to finish my ByaHis that I NEVER FINISHED I AM SO SORRY JAZZY. [It was supposed to be your b-day fic, remember? I fail at life.] It's so hard to write when I have all this ... crap in my life going on.